These Streets

All I want for Christmas is some fucking perspective. & maybe a scarf.

Dear Ryan Gosling, please never age. Sincerely, every woman everywhere.

I’m gonna have to wake up pretty early tomorrow to have enough time to get that hippy “just rolled out of bed/off the sidewalk” look.

WINNING at Journalism Pt. 2 #winning http://t.co/nsQfQ2vA via @winningevrythng

Was there ever a more useless creation than John Mayer?

Never judge a book by its last page.

Brilliant: Alternative Draft Of “Bin Laden Is Dead” Speech http://bzfd.it/mSz0ue

*While pondering the futility of life and the emptiness of the universe, I broke down into uncontrollable sobbing that lasted for 3 hours.

*Why work? All my money will just get taken by Nigerian scam artists anyway.

*My absence was an attempt to be ironic. Now that I’ve looked up ironic in the dictionary, it won’t happen again.

*I’m still working on this beer.

*My wiki is leaking.

*I’m suffering from a bout of extreme awkwardness.

*I got trapped in a Snuggie.

Tame Impala (or, Emily’s 1st Attempt at Music Blogging!)

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WATCH THIS.

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The last thing I heard from Australia, besides that the government plans to shoot a bunch of kangaroos, was Wolfmother. A decent band, but they took a little too much, and a little too un-apologetically, from Led Zeppelin. Before that, there was Jet- they were cute, but they weren’t substantial. Their cuteness was all that was really attractive, probably since I was a silly ninth grade girl at the time.

Recently, a friend of mine played me Tame Impala, and I was amazed. I thought they were some seventies psych-rock band I had somehow overlooked. One who had gotten lost between Cream, Lennon(one blog used the possibly redundant comparison of “Lennon on acid”), Pink Floyd, and, occasionally, the Zombies. Their bio is as accurate a description as you can get: “Tame Impala is the movement in Orion’s nebula and the slime from a snail journeying across a footpath” that “ [makes] psychedelic hypno-groove melodic rock music. “ They sound like what I would want to hear when I’m on drugs. They sound like a good drug.

An Impala is an African Antelope- a gazelle, basically. It’s a fitting name, as their music conjures up images of a graceful animal running around a field somewhere, in a yellow-submarineish landscape. With rainbows.

The group is a trio, signed to the independent label Modular Recordings and hailing from the Australian city Perth. Their latest release is Innerspeaker, the single off of which is “Solitude is Bliss”- an upbeat, cheerful song about how much people suck. Other highlights of the album are “Lucidity,” “I Don’t Really Mind,” and “The Bold Arrow of Time,” which features oozing, bluesy guitar riffs that a late-sixties era Clapton would kill for.

Most people I played the album for immediately compared them to the Beatles, and I think they’ll live up to it. The Beatles started out as an enormously talented bunch of young kids, making simpler but promising music before moving on to bigger and better(more complex, anyway) things. The music is floaty, but with a strong foundation and amazing drum work. Their lyrics are simple but relevant, and the harmonies are spot on. You could imagine yourself stumbling into a garage in your neighborhood and seeing them rehearse. Which is wishful thinking, but I did stumble by their rehearsal session at the Independent on December 13. It sounded amazing, until security noticed me in the doorway and asked me to leave(I would’ve stopped sneaking around and just bought a ticket but the Independent doesn’t like people who are under 21).

Anyway, here’s what you should do: Go listen to them. Take them seriously. They deserve it.

#zmf Zeitgeist movie. Check it! http://bit.ly/bjLPom

-Three seconds after every stop is announced, ask the person sitting next to you, “Wait, what stop was that?” If they don’t seem annoyed after 5 stops, after they answer ask them, “Are you sure?”

-Wear a surgical mask (and gloves too if possible). If someone looks like they’re going to sit next to you, apologetically state, “I’m infected,” and cough.

-Attempt to convert anyone sitting next to you to Christianity.

-If the person sitting next to you is already a devout Christian, ask them to recommend you a good abortion clinic or same-sex wedding chapel.

-Ask, “So, how long have you been out of prison?”

-Ask the person sitting next to you to summarize their reading material. If they oblige, correct their pronunciation.

-Ask if your seatmate would like to meet your pet snake. Which is in your backpack.

-Pretend you’re form the past and/or future.

-Ask every blonde that sits next to you if they are actually a natural blonde.

-Two words: Intense staring.

-Four words: Pretend you have Tourette’s

-Start taking pictures with your cellphone of whoever sits next to you

• The Little Engine That Couldn’t
• The Cat in the Trash
• Henry and Grudge
• Charlotte’s Web of Lies
• Harry Otter and the Oil Spill
• Larry’s Daughter and the Curse of Incest
• Where the Wild Things Were, Before They Were Hunted to Extinction
• Alice is Drunkagain